Grateful

Last night CNN featured 'The Secret.' It's always bittersweet for me to see things shaping up and forming my vision of the media transformed to a source of empowerment.

On the one hand, it's fulfulling and I'm thrilled it's actually happening.

On the other hand there's a competitive side of me that really gets annoyed.

1) Because CNN has the opportunity to broadcast and share The Secret with millions of views and I only have my website right now.

2) Because I feel like I've been promoting and broadcasting this 'new' information for years and it's MINE (proprietary).

3) I feel like every moment that passes by and I'm not publishing the print version of Being is a missed opportunity.

Instead of being present to the gift that life is in the present moment, I mourn each moment that passes without Being.

AND I'm living into a future where I'm committed to the success of ANOTHER publication (and that secretly pisses me off). Deep down I think I'm not doing as well as I could or would for the Hollywood Gazette since it's not MY baby. Although I am doing a great job - I know in my heart it's like a red-headed step-child and that I could give an extra 7% or so.

I KNOW I need to be grateful for what I have and look at this time and situation as being PERFECT because it is and everything happens as it should and is unfolding according to a greater plan unbeknownst to me. I just need to TRUST that everything is working towards the fulfillment of my deepest desires.

I feel like I'm stuck in a holding pattern where I'm not allowed to recieve the miracles the universe has in store for me just on the other sitde until I learn some lesson. Could it be gratitude? I feel it's been missing and I know it's essential.

But could it be THAT SIMPLE? I'm afraid that the lesson will be PAINFUL and that last few months have been so tumultuous that I'm happy to be back in my comfort zone again. Status quoing - not growing. :)

I'm also juggling a lot of responsibilities right now and also feel like if I glance away for a second, all the balls will drop.

Serving on committees, managing the Gazette, raising my 12-year old, relationship with hubby, admin for three websites, markeinting project with LE - I think it's time to delegate or something. I would like a personal assistant.

I digress.

I am creating a powerful context as I write - it is something like - Hollywood Gazette is the gateway to Being Magazine.

I'm learning SO much there - about budgeting, managing a team, developing a spine, results, sales, receivables, collections etc. I've always had the creative part down - but the business side still needs a little work.

So here's the opportunity to learn everything I need to know to bring Being back. I am choosing to be GRATEFUL for this oppotunity rather than see it as a speed bump ion the road of my dreams.

They say you don't always get what you want, but you get what you need.

So my first priority is to have HG work this year - to meet my monthly projections. Then to trust that everything I need to bring Being back will be provided to me in such a way that I will know it is time to transition over to it and give it another shot.

It feels so close.